One

One

One
Alone
I
Am still

Such longing
Without
Hope
In me

Reflections
Of a past lost
Never gained

As I
Search
For truth
Releasing
These pains

Deep
Alone
One

Deliverance

Deliverance

Darkness that encompasses
Everlasting pain
Live this life unwanted
In sadness with no gain
Voyeuristic wanderings
Eternalizing hopes
Revealing all the absence
As demons inside boast
Never having closure
Circling still I do
Envision the lost dreams, I never knew

Pain’s Connoisseur

Pain’s Connoisseur

Exquisitely inviting
Enticingly misleading
Inside bring it out
Through the lies
Will leave you bleeding

Pleasure like no other it cannot be compared
I invite you so beseeching into my darkened lair
Partake of it I dare you, haven’t you a small clue
In the darkness I will break you
Such horrors which you never knew

Crying through the night
A demonic inspired sight
Hoping that you might
Escape this ghastly fright

Tied, bound, gagged you murmur
I am the teacher you are the learner
Suffer in chains my eager student
To my delightful hellacious enjoyment

Sweat soaked fear I smell
Contorted on your face I tell
Unending will it stop
Have my way it will not

Gothic Ghetto

Gothic Ghetto

From the mind’s eye
Comes something sublime
Unseen and never heard
Some will think absurd

Who am I that I should die
Inside out and cast about
Fragment turmoil, exquisite pain
Lessons learned the one to blame

Once was blind but now I see
Embrace the darkness inside of me
In an instant a haiku moment:

stares turn to disgust
outcaste of society
dark gothic ghetto

The Way of Me

The Way of Me

Tired of damn people always tryin’ test me
Want me to be what they can’t conceive
My head already wicked fucked up
Mind’s binds got me blind
To the demon’s infesting lies

Crawlin’ blind I’m here
Always black
Light it lacks
Still just me
In this fucked up scene

Imprisoned in this
Tortured Mind State
Demons already been ate
What’s left of my soul
In this fucked up
Dead ass Prison
Revolving Darkness
In a Never Ending System

Always been this way
What you don’t believe
Talkin’ out  my ass
All this shit I say

Just livin’ life – not me you see
Fucked up hopes
And shattered dreams
Livin’ in this torn reality

Destroyed now gone
Words still lost
Of Broken Make Believe
Never knowin’ what it
Truly Cost

The question that be, what’s wrong with Me
Live my life, you don’t want to see
Get inside my head will leave you Dead
With all the Dark Thoughts that I’ve said

In the Darkness where demons lay
It’s like that from day to day
Til the night I’m dead and gone
Search for that Release
Is what I long

So Damn Tired

So Damn Tired

This life I’m not feelin’ or seein’ none of it
So go ahead keep talkin’ all that stupid shit
Came into this world unwanted just a reject
And given this fucked up life is all I can get

Still lost in my past learning from this pain
Look into my eyes there’s nothing to gain
I’m a loser you see just fucked in the head
Believing all these lies to nowhere I’m led

Alone on this path it gets deeper and darker
How much longer til I reach the last marker
This world telling me I’m nothing but a bastard
Don’t fuck with me cuz I’m nothing but a hazard

Can’t find myself with these walls closing in
Deeper into my abyss is where I’ve always been
Imprisoned inside the confines of my mind
Through these bars escapes the hope I can’t find

Biding My Time

Biding My Time

No one around but me to blame
So damn tired of playing life’s game
Just to lose with nothing to gain
All this shit driving me insane

Nightly thoughts of my suicide
To rid myself of ghosts I hide
To truly hear these words I say
Do you think I’m really okay

This world to me has grown so cold
Has nothing left for me to hold
So maybe in another life
Can get away from all this strife

Why I try I really don’t see
Nothing left for me to believe
But know for now I’m still alive
Just waiting for my time to die

Still I Cry

Still I Cry

Alone I sit and contemplate
Continue living in this state
Time goes by where does it go
Today my past of lost tomorrows

Look deep within and you will find
This place I’m trapped it’s called my mind
On brown skin is the story inked
My fucked up life what do you think

For me it seems it is this way
Lost in the past is where I stay
Days don’t change forever the same
Finding myself the one to blame

Look deep inside what can you tell
My life you see a living hell
Done on this earth as in heaven
Screams in silence unforgiven

My Eulogy

My Eulogy

To want what I have
You cannot keep
Into my darkness
You must go deep

Have you the courage
Have you the strength
To walk this lone path
To the end of its length

It does to me come
Thoughts of suicide
I keep to myself
This demon I hide

Sometimes I wonder
And it makes me cry
Will I not make it
Is this my goodbye

Having To Be Me

Having To Be Me

Everyday I wake will it be like the last
Sometimes I wonder, so lost in the past
My future was bright I could see it so clear
Lost in my darkness no longer it’s near

How long will this last is the question I ponder
Wasting my life going deeper and under
Can’t find the answers to questions I seek
Where’s life’s destiny I’ve been longing to meet

Reminded of failure while I sit here and cry
Why do I bother why get up and try
Being a loser is all I can see
It really sucks having to live with me

Having been told I am smart and real gifted
Doesn’t even matter if I don’t see self lifted
Being so burdened, this demon I bear
Truth be told I no longer even care