Last Days

•2012/09/08 • Leave a Comment

22 August 2012

My heart hurts over losing you
My heart hurts more because
Of what I did ….

23 August 2012

I sit in this empty house thinking about how I got here. My heart broken again, but this time because of my own sin.

30 August 2012

I had a beginning not too long ago, now it’s all gone. I did this to myself and can blame no one else. Living like a transient the darkness is calling me through the dulling pain, immerse myself in it finding no comfort for I allow myself none – only tormenting guilt and shame.

I am the cause, the problem for how I feel. Always, everyday this is how I deal. Craving all these devices chasing the illusion this addiction I will not escape. Nothing has changed it is all the same. Lying to myself and everyone round me because I can tell no one how it drives me insane. Watching myself fall apart wanting to do nothing to stop it. My soul is crying I feel it dying losing desire to just be … dominated by demons as I barely survive refusing to believe.

Madness overcomes me in my narrowing scope of reality. Wishing no one gave a fuck would make it easier to quit this existence in which I’m stuck. I don’t care about anyone, or anything … especially me …

I have love from family
I have love from friends
I had love from a woman

It all means nothing
It all ends …

Because I have no love for Self …

01 September 2012

The reason why it doesn’t work for me is because I do not love myself … I cannot love myself how can I love anyone else …

I am disillusioned with this experience … a long time ago. It’s not nothing impresses me only the end result is not as hyped as advertised … why is that?

I know the answer to that as well …

I will not miss being gone for I have kissed the lips of the succubus …

04 September 2012

It is hard not to contemplate suicide when it whispers so seductively in my ear. I hear it calling in my darkest sleep and is with me when I am awake. I would do anything not to feel this way …

All I have are my words no one wants to hear …

Desire’s Regret

•2012/08/30 • Leave a Comment

Desire’s Regret

My wounds never heal
I won’t let them

Buried away
Festering

Letting the poison
Kill me again

Binging on
My darkness

Swallowing me
Whole

Seeking no
Forgiveness

Just my hollowed
Out numb soul

Returning
To the shadows

Like I never left

Embracing
Her soft calling

Yearning
Death’s cold breath

One

•2011/01/27 • Leave a Comment

One

One
Alone
I
Am still

Such longing
Without
Hope
In me

Reflections
Of a past lost
Never gained

As I
Search
For truth
Releasing
These pains

Deep
Alone
One

Deliverance

•2011/01/27 • Leave a Comment

Deliverance

Darkness that encompasses
Everlasting pain
Live this life unwanted
In sadness with no gain
Voyeuristic wanderings
Eternalizing hopes
Revealing all the absence
As demons inside boast
Never having closure
Circling still I do
Envision the lost dreams, I never knew

Pain’s Connoisseur

•2011/01/27 • Leave a Comment

Pain’s Connoisseur

Exquisitely inviting
Enticingly misleading
Inside bring it out
Through the lies
Will leave you bleeding

Pleasure like no other it cannot be compared
I invite you so beseeching into my darkened lair
Partake of it I dare you, haven’t you a small clue
In the darkness I will break you
Such horrors which you never knew

Crying through the night
A demonic inspired sight
Hoping that you might
Escape this ghastly fright

Tied, bound, gagged you murmur
I am the teacher you are the learner
Suffer in chains my eager student
To my delightful hellacious enjoyment

Sweat soaked fear I smell
Contorted on your face I tell
Unending will it stop
Have my way it will not

Gothic Ghetto

•2011/01/27 • 1 Comment

Gothic Ghetto

From the mind’s eye
Comes something sublime
Unseen and never heard
Some will think absurd

Who am I that I should die
Inside out and cast about
Fragment turmoil, exquisite pain
Lessons learned the one to blame

Once was blind but now I see
Embrace the darkness inside of me
In an instant a haiku moment:

stares turn to disgust
outcaste of society
dark gothic ghetto

The Way of Me

•2011/01/27 • Leave a Comment

The Way of Me

Tired of damn people always tryin’ test me
Want me to be what they can’t conceive
My head already wicked fucked up
Mind’s binds got me blind
To the demon’s infesting lies

Crawlin’ blind I’m here
Always black
Light it lacks
Still just me
In this fucked up scene

Imprisoned in this
Tortured Mind State
Demons already been ate
What’s left of my soul
In this fucked up
Dead ass Prison
Revolving Darkness
In a Never Ending System

Always been this way
What you don’t believe
Talkin’ out  my ass
All this shit I say

Just livin’ life – not me you see
Fucked up hopes
And shattered dreams
Livin’ in this torn reality

Destroyed now gone
Words still lost
Of Broken Make Believe
Never knowin’ what it
Truly Cost

The question that be, what’s wrong with Me
Live my life, you don’t want to see
Get inside my head will leave you Dead
With all the Dark Thoughts that I’ve said

In the Darkness where demons lay
It’s like that from day to day
Til the night I’m dead and gone
Search for that Release
Is what I long

 
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